Comments on: Helping Couples in the Divorce Decision-Making “Wilderness” http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/ Increasing awareness of the negative impact of divorce Sat, 11 May 2013 01:15:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Alan Hawkins http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-142 Alan Hawkins Wed, 19 Sep 2012 16:04:01 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-142 Tamara Fackrell and I have written a guidebook for individuals at the crossroads of divorce. You can get a free electronic copy from the following website address: http://strongermarriage.org/htm/divorce-remarriage/should-i-keep-trying-to-work-it-out. All the best. Alan Hawkins Tamara Fackrell and I have written a guidebook for individuals at the crossroads of divorce. You can get a free electronic copy from the following website address: http://strongermarriage.org/htm/divorce-remarriage/should-i-keep-trying-to-work-it-out.
All the best.
Alan Hawkins

]]> By: L Burkes http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-140 L Burkes Tue, 18 Sep 2012 16:39:32 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-140 Does her study give those of us lost in the abyss advice? I'm so lost. Does her study give those of us lost in the abyss advice? I’m so lost.

]]> By: Rosen http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-120 Rosen Tue, 12 Jun 2012 04:30:12 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-120 Thank you so much Alan. One of the most difficult time of life is going through separation or divorce. Before doing crazy things and selfish thing, please do think of your children first. Thanks again for sharing...!!! http://www.edivorceintexas.com/texas-divorce-waiting-period.html Thank you so much Alan. One of the most difficult time of life is going through separation or divorce. Before doing crazy things and selfish thing, please do think of your children first. Thanks again for sharing…!!!

http://www.edivorceintexas.com/texas-divorce-waiting-period.html

]]> By: Krsnanandini Dasi,CFLE http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-88 Krsnanandini Dasi,CFLE Tue, 24 Apr 2012 03:04:35 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-88 Bravo to Tamara for this research. So many perspectives to weigh in on this scary subject of divorce. One thing's for sure, a cooling off period indicates wisdom for the society and for families. Another important piece of the puzzle is premarital and marriage education-- an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure. The more we realize that divorce affects everyone, the more we will likely take proactive steps to strengthen marriages, offer support, and encourage the waiting periods. Bravo to Tamara for this research. So many perspectives to weigh in on this scary subject of divorce. One thing’s for sure, a cooling off period indicates wisdom for the society and for families. Another important piece of the puzzle is premarital and marriage education– an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure. The more we realize that divorce affects everyone, the more we will likely take proactive steps to strengthen marriages, offer support, and encourage the waiting periods.

]]> By: Lesli Doares http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-75 Lesli Doares Wed, 18 Apr 2012 19:45:01 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-75 Thank you so much for this. I, too, am fighting the good fight against divorce as the logical response to an unhappy marriage. In North Carolina, couples have to wait 366 days before filing for divorce. Unfortunately, they don't have to do anything in that time. Most don't seek counseling and those that do often put it off until things are really bad. One of the hardest things for me is talking to those who know someone's marriage is in trouble but don't feel comfortable getting involved. Successful marriage creates wealth and better health. Divorce creates upheaval and increases dependence on social services. It shouldn't be accepted so blithely. Thank you so much for this. I, too, am fighting the good fight against divorce as the logical response to an unhappy marriage. In North Carolina, couples have to wait 366 days before filing for divorce. Unfortunately, they don’t have to do anything in that time. Most don’t seek counseling and those that do often put it off until things are really bad. One of the hardest things for me is talking to those who know someone’s marriage is in trouble but don’t feel comfortable getting involved. Successful marriage creates wealth and better health. Divorce creates upheaval and increases dependence on social services. It shouldn’t be accepted so blithely.

]]> By: Michael McManus http://divorcereform.us/helping-couples-in-the-divorce-decision-making-wilderness/#comment-72 Michael McManus Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:20:11 +0000 http://divorcereform.us/?p=454#comment-72 Tamara Fackrell's study accurately states that couples going through divorce "were wandering in a chaotic, cognitive and emotional wilderness. They were confused and bewildered." She's also right that couples with children and those who are religious remain committed to marriage as an institution. So what? The fact is America has the highest divorce rate in the world - triple that of Britain or France. After 5 years, 23% of Americans have divorced, and only 8% of British or French. Why? Britain requires a delay of five years if one spouse opposes the divorce, and France, six years. That allows a blot of time to reconcile. By contrast, 25 U.S. states have ZERO waiting periods, such as Florida, Texas and Minnesota. Therefore, Alan Hawkins is wise in suggesting that states consider changing their laws with the Second Chances Act which did pass a House committee in Minnesota, or the similar Parental Divorce Reduction Act, proposed in several states. I led a workshop on these reforms at the American Association of Christian Counseling last week. However, that is a long-term answer, of no immediate help. Neither Ms. Fackrell nor Dr. Hawkins suggested how couples in current crisis can heal their marriages now. I wrote a column published by DivorceReform/info outlining the best quick answer: a weekend retreat called Retrouvaille, which saves 4 of 5 marriages in crisis. Couples should go to Retrouvaille.org, click on their state, and see when the next weekend will be held. Since these are run by volunteers donating their time, they are not held as frequently as one might like, but are nearly monthly in Washington DC, Minneapolis-St. Paul and Detroit. Another short-term answer is that my wife and I regularly conduct Marriage Savers Webinars, in which we train churches to administer the PREPARE-ENRICH inventory that can reduce the divorce rate for premarital couples to less than 10%. A church can train up to four Mentor Couples for only $195 plus materials. Our next training will be on May 5. A medium-term answer is to create a Community Marriage Policy, a step taken by 11,000 churches in 229 cities, with the help of Marriage Savers, an organization my wife and I have created. An independent study by the Institute for Research & Evaluation reported that on average, Community Marriage Policies push down city-wide divorce rates by17.5% in seven years, and a tenth of CMP cities slashed divorce rates by 48% to 70% such as Austin, Kansas City, KS and its suburbs, Salem, OR, Modesto, CA and El Paso. Community Marriage Policies also reduce the cohabitation rate by one-third compared to similar cities in the same state, and some CMP cities are seeing their marriage rates rise. Call me for details, 301 469-5873, or write Mike@MarriageSavers.org. Tamara Fackrell’s study accurately states that couples going through divorce “were wandering in a chaotic, cognitive and emotional wilderness. They were confused and bewildered.” She’s also right that couples with children and those who are religious remain committed to marriage as an institution.

So what? The fact is America has the highest divorce rate in the world – triple that of Britain or France. After 5 years, 23% of Americans have divorced, and only 8% of British or French. Why? Britain requires a delay of five years if one spouse opposes the divorce, and France, six years. That allows a blot of time to reconcile. By contrast, 25 U.S. states have ZERO waiting periods, such as Florida, Texas and Minnesota. Therefore, Alan Hawkins is wise in suggesting that states consider changing their laws with the Second Chances Act which did pass a House committee in Minnesota, or the similar Parental Divorce Reduction Act, proposed in several states. I led a workshop on these reforms at the American Association of Christian Counseling last week. However, that is a long-term answer, of no immediate help.

Neither Ms. Fackrell nor Dr. Hawkins suggested how couples in current crisis can heal their marriages now. I wrote a column published by DivorceReform/info outlining the best quick answer: a weekend retreat called Retrouvaille, which saves 4 of 5 marriages in crisis. Couples should go to Retrouvaille.org, click on their state, and see when the next weekend will be held. Since these are run by volunteers donating their time, they are not held as frequently as one might like, but are nearly monthly in Washington DC, Minneapolis-St. Paul and Detroit.

Another short-term answer is that my wife and I regularly conduct Marriage Savers Webinars, in which we train churches to administer the PREPARE-ENRICH inventory that can reduce the divorce rate for premarital couples to less than 10%. A church can train up to four Mentor Couples for only $195 plus materials. Our next training will be on May 5.

A medium-term answer is to create a Community Marriage Policy, a step taken by 11,000 churches in 229 cities, with the help of Marriage Savers, an organization my wife and I have created. An independent study by the Institute for Research & Evaluation reported that on average, Community Marriage Policies push down city-wide divorce rates by17.5% in seven years, and a tenth of CMP cities slashed divorce rates by 48% to 70% such as Austin, Kansas City, KS and its suburbs, Salem, OR, Modesto, CA and El Paso.

Community Marriage Policies also reduce the cohabitation rate by one-third compared to similar cities in the same state, and some CMP cities are seeing their marriage rates rise.

Call me for details, 301 469-5873, or write Mike@MarriageSavers.org.

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