Your Marriage Belongs to Your Community of Family and Friends

NisaBy Nisa Muhammad

To my dear recently wedded friend,

I recently read an article on Ozy.com entitled “Divorced? Give Your Wedding Guests a Refund.” And I thought of you and your recent nuptials. After much thought, I wanted you to know that your marriage belongs not only to you and your spouse, but also your community of family and friends.

Well, not literally, but as one of your close friends who has invested time, money, blood, sweat and tears (emphasis on sweat and tears) to ensure your happiness, better known as wedded bliss, I feel like I should have something to say about any disregard for my investment, my friendship, my love. Not only do I feel like I should have a say,  I also believe you should consider refunding some of my hard earned money ($5,000 to be exact) if you callously decide to call it quits, excluding valid reasons like domestic violence or child abuse, of course. What’s the $5,000 for? Money I spent on travel, gifts, a bridesmaid’s dress I probably won’t ever wear again, jewelry, makeup, hair appointment, time, anguish. Yes my anguish has a dollar value to it, too, and much more.

You know me. You know I’m the kind of friend who goes all in. We are ride or die. We are friends to the end of time. We’ve shared so many experiences, good, bad and ugly, that have bonded us for life. So I take your happiness personally. My children love you, my family loves you, my husband loves you. We are all cheering for your success at marriage which too often today is just another fleeting experience not worth the time and energy most put into it.

But marriage really is this amazing life changing experience that is exceptionally good for men, women, children, communities and places of worship. And the benefits from marriage cannot be duplicated in any other relationship like boyfriend and girlfriend or living together. Research shows that marriage has unique benefits for men, women, children, communities and places of worship like higher income, better health, better grades, and safer communities. So the success and or failure of your marriage, my marriage and all of our friends’ marriages does not just affect you and your spouse; it affects us all. It affects our spouses, our children, our extended families. We are entwined. The failure of your marriage will cost our communities, too. They will have to contend with yet another single parent family and the economic and societal fallout. And our places of worship? Members often have to choose sides and pick which congregant to support. It’s a nightmare for all of us when marriages are taken lightly and divorce too easily reached for. .

I understand the horrors of a bad marriage, been there, done that. I work with couples all the time in the midst of love and trouble. I know what can be saved and what needs to go in a trash heap. Believe me, though, far more marriages can be saved if couples would just get the right help. What I’m offering you, what many couples don’t have, is a support network of couples willing to help you be successful at your dreams of wedded bliss. Couples who are willing to suffer hell and high water, who desperately want to help you succeed. Marital problems don’t just happen overnight. Your friends know that because we’ve all experienced problems in our marriages. But little problems become bigger problems and bigger problems that remain unsolved take on a life of their own. Conflict will put you to bed at night and wake you up in the morning. I understand this better than most because of the work I do with couples.

So what does this have to do with you paying up if your marriage goes south, you’re thinking?

The answer is simple. Your marriage is far more valuable to you, your family and friends than you can ever imagine or have probably thought about. You are beating the odds every year you have a healthy marriage. You are giving yourself, your spouse and soon to be children the best life has to offer. The love and commitment you feel today can be maintained for a lifetime even if occasionally you can’t see how. It can get better and better each day if you reach out to your support network to ensure that it does.

However, on the off chance that you decide not to avail yourself of our unbiased, nonjudgmental, professional help and decide to go rogue, why shouldn’t it cost you? In my case, $5,000 to be exact. That’s the conservative estimate, discounted for the value of my love and friendship.

I believe in you and know that wedded bliss can be yours. Let me help you stay there. Let me help you get the resources and support you need to stay there when all looks lost or even when things just start to go dark. As your dear friend, please let me help. Wedded bliss can be yours and I can show you how.

Wishing you wedded bliss,

Nisa

 

Post By beverlyw (86 Posts)

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